I just don’t know what to do with myself

I’m sitting here at work, in the post-work christmas lunch lull, with the White Stripes in my head. I’ve been doing some research on various weight loss before pregnancy things and I’ve come to the point where I don’t know what to do with myself. If my life were a movie, this is where the music would cut in and we’d go through a magical weight loss montage and I’d emerge at the other end, slender and gorgeous with gleaming white teeth. Instead, my teeth and tongue have a tinge of purple from the two glasses of red wine I had with lunch, and that inner thin person is still surrounded by the rolls of fat she came in with.Since my decision to finally do something about my weight, I’ve fluctuated between not wanting to think about it, and wanting to start something right this minute. As in RIGHT NOW. I started my research with the tried and true Weight Watchers website. I’ve had friends that have used it and it seemed to work quite well for them. Then I saw the part about hw they aren’t a medical organisation and you aren’t allowed to continue being a member once you’re pregnant.

I understand that dieting while pregnant is a bad idea. I know that you need to give your body and the baby all the nutrients needed to make for healthy bones and organs and the like. But I want something continuous. I don’t want to start a weight loss program and then have to stop once I’m pregnant, and then start again after a healthy period of time after birth. The other thing is that I don’t want to investigate all of this and then discover in two weeks time or whatever that I’m pregnant and not be able to do anything about the weight other than gentle exercise.

In my slightly tipsy state, I’ve just noticed that I call it “the weight”, not “my weight”. Like it’s not really my problem. How’s that for not taking ownership of an issue.

Language analysis aside, I don’t think WW is for me. I emailed them to find out whether they have a pregnancy program and was told they didn’t, so I’d just be left in limbo. Plus, it’s $17 per week, or slightly less if you go with the bulk rate Unlimited package. Initially I thought that was pretty expensive, and then I found SureSlim.

I emailed the same questions about pregnancy programs to SureSlim and received a call a day later. The woman went through their various programs, the normal weight loss one, the pregnancy one, the breastfeeding one, the maintenance one. She said I could move form one to another as needed. I’ve seen the adverts on tv – SureSlim, Sure works, or something like that. I know they take blood tests and then work their magic with your metabolism and suddenly the flab just falls off your frame.

I’m lazy – I can’t motivate myself to do exercise regularly and I have now been through three different gyms here in Canberra, and probably attended 3 times in the last 3 years. The idea of having my metabolism “fixed” sounded good to me, so I went ahead and made the appointment for my initial wellness test for January 3rd. I also asked the consultant to email me the programs and prices. Just as well I was sitting down, because those prices are enough to frighten anyone. The Quick Loss Program is $946 per program, with a line below reading “includes a personalised Lifestyle Program $880 full payment”. Does a program last one year? That makes it just over $18 per week, slightly more than WW. Are there additional payments to be made? Is the $880 if you pay up-front, while the $946 for if you pay on a plan?

It’s all so complicated. It seems like a lot of money, and I don’t really understand what it’s for, so I did some research. It seems that what happens is you go along and get some blood tests. The diet people then make up a diet for you, which is supposed to be personalised, but in reality is much the same as all the other diets they write, and you then follow that. You go back for weigh-ins and measurements and somewhere along the way, you get thin.

There are mixed reviews (from what I saw on the Essential Baby forums anyway). Some people say it’s worthwhile, others say it’s expensive. Everyone says it’s strict. I’m caught in the bind of wanting to believe. I want to believe that I can get some sort of plan that will magic away the fat and make me fitter, all without sweat or having to go hungry. In my sensible brain, I know that you don’t get thin and fit from doing nothing, even from just eating right. You have to get yourself moving. I used to enjoy the gym, well the body balance and stretch classes. What happened to my motivation? What happened to me?

I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll go along to this appointment in January and try to remember to keep my sensible brain turned on. I don’t want to be sold some rubbish fad, I just want to lose this bloody fat.